


I'm not a kid anymore (on hiatus)

by australia_mate



Category: Spiderman - Fandom
Genre: Angry teen, Avengers Family, Fighting, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Irondad, Pent up stress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:48:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23940313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/australia_mate/pseuds/australia_mate
Summary: A what if story of what could've happened when Peter next saw the Avengers after Tooms. Lots of angst and fluff ensues
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N ooc Peter near the end ywy. And I hope you all like this, I've had this in my head for some time, just sitting there nagging me to write it down. I'll have part two up in a bit. Feedback is much appreciated if you have the time too! Stay quarantined <3)

It was a record-winning -20 degrees in Queen's afternoon, just one below the previous record in 2008 at -19. Biting winds barreled against closed windows and fastened doors as if it depended on sharing its bone-chilling gusts. The sudden mean environment was predicted by the local weather days ago, but many incompetent people ignored the warnings of such a freeze, stating that it was the governments' way to keep them inside so they could continue making whatever things they assumed. 

Peter Parker was not one of those people, he was at least competent enough to stay inside in his cozy warm room, watching snowflakes crystalise on his bedroom window.  
He could see with his enhanced vision all the different dips and rises in the process of forming one snowflake, seeing the blades growing brought him momentary solace.  
But he knew Spiderman could easily stand up to this and not be affected by the whistling cold, but god knows what Tony would do if he found out the red-suited teenager was flying out there dodging hailstones.

Tony...

Peter shook his head and burrowed them into the safe comfort of his palms. Not entirely because thinking about him but the storm roaring on and on outside really did a number on him. Every time there was a specifically loud noise Peter would nearly latch himself onto the ceiling to dangle upside down before he would realise Aunt May could walk in anytime soon. Their relationship concerning Spiderman was strained enough.

In one brief moment where he didn't detest the man, he remembered that Tony had made noise-cancelling headphones and light cancelling glasses for him. A ghost of a smile appeared on Peter's face before it quickly vanished, as he remembered that he had thrown it away in spite.

Peter groaned out loud as another wave of giant hardened hailstones shook the tiny flat he and Aunt May were living in. He knew Aunt May would be fretting that the ceiling wouldn't hold up, but for now, it seemed to be doing an excellent job.  
A misty cloud of his breath would've been seen rising if the heater in his room wasn't turned on to the max, it's fans doing little drowning out the monster of a snowstorm outside. Another gift of... He hummed, wisely deciding to not further that thought. 

Instead, Peter rose from where he was sitting cross-legged on his bed, and ventured outside his room, taking two steps at a time to the living room. There he stopped at the last step, one hand holding the rail while he let his body limp into the air just slightly swaying.   
"Oh! Peter! I wondered whenever you'd come down from the room of yours." An instant grin blossomed onto the addressed face. Aunt May peeked her head around the wall smiling, "Come on, if you're going to have some I need help preparing this lasagna for dinner." Peter's grin widened some more, remarking a "Yes!" as a childish joy appeared in his eyes. He then proceeded to quickly trip over all the 'very evil' (He said, later on, trying to save himself some embarrassment) furniture to get to the kitchen much to his Aunt's expectance. 

A natural conversation flowed effortlessly between them, their combined laughter of whatever they chose to converse about was enough to put the storm to the bottom of their concerns. Soon enough the porcelain dish of prepared lasagna entered the oven, Aunt May positively beaming. "Alright, Peter, you can go back up to your room and I'll call you down when it's down, okay?" Peter nodded lightly, keeping his disappointment to himself as he acknowledged Aunt Mays space and secretly webbed his way to his room. He wasn't one to entirely like being alone with his thoughts. They proved dangerous at times.  
"It better not be burnt!" Peter called out before slamming his door shut, giggling to himself as he heard his Aunt try to defend that she had never burnt any dish ever.

Once Peter heard downstairs quieten down, he quickly locked the door through his over the top locking system. Then, he slipped on his Spiderman mask, happiness again rising in him as he saw Karen load up. The reception was so bad in the storm, so he couldn't contact Ned to help him lift his boredom.  
"Hello, Peter." Peter exhaled, comforted by his friend's voice. "Hey, Karen. What's up?" "I think the better question is, Peter, why you didn't contact me before. I have access to the weather reports you know? The mask has built-in sense cancelling-"  
She was interrupted by Peter groaning. "No, no. No more of mentioning him. I just want you and me to talk." It wasn't too much to ask for right? It seemed a lot of things for Peter didn't come easily...  
"Do you mean Mr Stark?" Peter cringed underneath his mask. "If you have any problems regarding Mr Stark, I highly recommend speaking to him yourself. I'll get him online if you'd-" "No! No.. I don't want to speak to Mr Stark. He's more likely to be doing something way more important right now." Karen sighed, but the contact list promptly disappeared. "And besides, I don't think he'd even be able to talk to me through this storm or want to..." Peter mumbled.

Peter tensed once again as he could feel the vibrations in the air from where more hailstones hit. Without asking for his permission, Karen activated protocol 'Peter's so high maintenance' and instantly the Spider's eyes on the mask closed and earbuds materialised in Peter's ears. "Huh-" Peter cut off himself as he felt finally relaxed. "Is that the installation you mentioned earlier?" Karen stayed silent. He smiled slightly, before going to his bed and snuggling underneath the covers. It was pure silence. There were no bright lights even when he closed his eyelids. He'd never experienced this before. Every day was so draining, all of his focus was put to the test to not let all of the sounds around him drive him insane.   
"...Thank you, Karen." "Don't thank me, thank Mr-" "Karen.." Peter yawned. "I'm sorry Peter, you'd have to excuse me that I don't entirely understand your sudden avoidance of the man you once talked about for hours on end." 

Peter blushed. "I never did that..." "Would you like me to bring up an audio file of one of our many conversations about him?" "Karen!" He swore he could hear her smirking. "But Peter.. What's troubling you?" Peter sighed, bringing the covers up to his shoulders. "It's... Remember September?" "Yes, I do. That was your fight with Tooms, correct?" "Mhm. Just.." He really did not want to talk about it.

But of its own accord, Peter's throat closed up. Remembering memories that haunts him reducing him into a state of panic.  
He'd never seen his mentor in such a bad light but what had happened refused to be ignored by him. It was such a stark realisation that it'd hurt his heart, and from then on, all he could think about and dream about (If you could call them dreams) was that moment on the ferry and that building, over and over again. He could feel his leg getting stuck, the metal pole, the blood, the pain.. His eyes began to well up in tears as his lungs refused oxygen. "G-god... I can't-t..." "Peter.." 

Karen recognized this as one of the many signs of a panic attack. She had to download many documents regarding the panic-induced state a human could go into as she was scared of Peter's wellbeing the first time she came into contact with him. She vowed after the first panic attack Peter had as Spiderman that she'd be able to get him through it, as her first experience with him was her trying miserably with no experience to calm him down.

"Peter.. Listen." She repeated. Peter was now quietly sobbing, seeing under closed eyes his mentors, his once considered father, angry eyes cutting through him as he berated him for not being good enough to even fix the ferry. He could see the disappointment. He knew that T...Stark was barely able to contain his disgust for him. Peter choked out another heart-shattering sob as he felt his past selfs multitude of suffocating anger and pain. He lost himself in his own mind, oblivious to Karens repetitive calling out. 

He could see... God, how'd he lose it before? How'd he miss all of Starks concealed hatred... Miss all of the Avengers agreeing looks? Did they even care about him?  
A suffocating feeling enraptured Peter, scarily similar to when he felt those fucking tonnes of rubble weigh him down more and more. He clenched his teeth and quietly growled angrily.  
How? How? How?  
Was he that idiotic?

Something stirred in Peter, a fire he hadn't felt in years since Uncle Ben... It seemed cruel and harsh... It felt hot, unpredictable and-

"Peter? Peter!" That wasn't Karen. Peter was thrust back into the cold harsh reality, his bloodshot eyes shooting open to see the soft quilt above him. When had he taken off his mask? "Y-Yeah?" Goddamnit, why was his voice so shaky?  
"Dinners ready!" Aunt May... Peter's vision clouded red for a moment as he remembered Stark hitting on his only last blood relative. His fists clenched the sheet underneath him.  
"Come on, you don't want cold lasagna, do you?"  
Her voice reached out to him again, and he latched upon it, desperately wanting to escape the uncharacteristic rage inside him. "Yep, I'm just finishing my homework!" He called out, lying effortlessly through his teeth.  
The tremor in his voice had nearly vanished.

Peter launched himself off from his bed and hurried into the upstairs bathroom. Shame welled in his being as he saw how stupid he looked with tears tracking down the sides of his face. He set his face in a steadfast expression, glaring at the weak person in the mirror. He splashed water into his face, trying to cover his previous anguish.  
His brown curls dripped with water, sticking to his forehead. It reminded him of looking at himself in that puddle when the building-  
'You're not that weak Parker. Act like it. Do you know why Stark took away your suit? It's because he finally realised how much of failure you were. Man up, you fucking dumbass.'  
Peter shook his head and tore his sight from the mirror and tried to soften his appearance to mask the churning storm inside him, much like the one outside. 

He was truly nothing without his suit.

Peter slowly trudged his way to downstairs where Aunt May was waiting for him, the table nicely set with a steaming plate of lasagna and garlic bread set out for him. His eyes lit up. "There you are Peter, I was just about to call out again."  
Aunt May turned around in her seat to look up at her nephew, smiling heartily. Peter tried to return the smile but only succeeded in a small smirk. His Aunt started to chat loudly enough for Peter to hear about her day and how considerate it was for him to ask her, but it fell on deaf ears.

Peter stared outside, his vision travelling miles, inspecting every snowflake he could see clearly amongst the snow like a dust storm. The sounds attacked his sensitive ears, reverberating and echoing for what felt like forever. His hands twitched. He shook his head, moving his attention to his Aunt. She was talking about something hilarious that had happened at work the previous day. Peter exhaled shakily again. He buried the seething anger beneath layers of a shield, the act very familiar to Peter. He knew the consequences of what he was doing, but he had been doing this all his life, it just seemed easier to continue. No one would be there to witness his outburst anyways...

"Peter, seriously kid," Peter narrowed his eyes, his suppressed rage nearly boiling over, "come and eat." He mumbled an ok and quickly sat down beside his Aunt. His head hurt with repetitions of 'kid', he didn't even pay attention to Aunt May anymore. It became too much.  
He got through half of his meal before he pushed back his chair suddenly, unable to continue without fear of snapping at his Aunt. "I'm going up to my room." He said when he saw Aunt May's confused and slightly downfallen expression. His statement held no room for rejection. She merely nodded her head and stared down at her plate silently, devoid of any of her previous chatty self. 

Peter scoffed to himself. A sudden tension replaced the nice relaxed one, and suddenly did Peter realise how disrespectful he was. Before he could even begin to apologise she picked up her plate and curtly spoke of some washing she had to take off because she forgot to earlier in the day.

Without staying any longer, Peter hurriedly raced towards his room, his face red in humiliation. He knew how rude he was and definitely wanted to apologise to his Aunt but later on. When he sorted out these alien emotions. But... Why couldn't he be rude? Why did he have to be so polite all the time? It would destroy the relationship surely but just once... Maybe Peter could finally let go? Peter shook his head. He was just tired and grumpy, he knew he just needed to sleep.  
After all, it was 9 at night. With that in mind, Peter swiftly brushed his teeth and got into some pj's before hopping into bed, unwilling to put on his mask for the noise cancelling feature, lest Karen asks about his mood and get him all angry again. And so Peter tried to sleep, promising to fix himself in the morning. To fix these dark painful 'feelings' tightening around his chest. 

To fix him...

He can't be angry... He has to be perfect.


	2. Building up

Peter was woken up unceremoniously from his Aunt talking loudly at the other side of his closed bedroom door, "Pete, works calling me in for today and tomorrow. See if Mr Stark can-" "It's ok May! I'll find my own things to do." Aunt May made a noise of confirmation and Peter later heard the front door closing. He sighed. He wished he hadn't had to think of Stark so early in the morning.   
'God, I'm acting like a child...' Peter sighed again crestfallen as he groggily got out of bed. At some point during the night, his heater must've cranked out from overuse, as the room was nearly as cold as it was outside. This time Peter's breathing was visible in the morning air. 

Peter sat at the edge of his bed, trying to calm his headache. 'Guess going to bed late and waking up early isn't healthy.' Peter thought with bitterness. His bedside alarm clock told him it was 6 am, eliciting another groan from the sleep-deprived teen. Rubbing a hand to his face, Peter tiredly stood up and fished his phone from one of his bedroom drawers, and sent a quick text to Ned, whom he hoped was already up, asking if he wanted to continue working on the Star Wars TIE fighter. He only had to wait 5 minutes of spamming when Ned finally go on.

Sideman (@NedLee) logged on.  
Sideman: Dude wth  
Sideman: Its 6 in the morning  
Sideman: On a Saturday -_-

Totallynotspiderman: Sorry but may woke me up and I wondered if you wanted to continue on our lego ship today

Sideman: Damn im so sorry u can't my cous is coming over today  
SIdeman: Mom is stressing over prepping everything you dont need to see that lmao

Peter groaned. Of course.

Totallynotspiderman: U sureeeee  
Totallynotspiderman: Im gonna be so bored today

Sideman: How?? you have Tony freaking Stark to hang out with!

Peter had to suppress his cringe.

Totallynotspiderman: Yea yea I guess  
Totallynotspiderman: Have to go ttyl

Sideman: Oop sad k :D byee

He didn't bother to respond, he felt bad for lying. He didn't want to think of Stark any longer or any of the Avengers. His heart felt heavier than he remembered. He turned his head towards his window and saw that the pathway was covered in snow, while the streets were cleared up. Swinging through mildly cold air seemed like the perfect way to wake up fully and clear his mind. Peter smiled and threw his phone onto his bed, deciding to do it, even if it meant having to fight in slippery snow. His smile widened as he slipped on his Spiderman mask. 'Finally. One day away is too much.' 

\---

Swinging in and out of his very familiar Queens city, he sighed in contentment. "You seem very happy today, Peter." His moods lifted even more, "Karen!" A bubbly laugh erupted out of him as he continued to swing, his smile nearly hurting his face. "Hello, Peter." Came Peter's favourite AIs soothing voice. A comfortable silence settled between them, as Peter carefully came to a halt on top of a particularly tall building, putting his hands on hips as he stared out blissfully onto his whitened city. The snow melted around his blue-clad feet while biting winds whistled past his ears. 

"Y'know Karen, I'll never get sick of this." His AI hummed in agreement as if watching through his eyes to the slowly rising sun. "...But you will get sick if you stay out here for too long, Peter." Peter simply laughed. "Karen, I'm Spiderman, I'll never get sick. It's dumb for you to be concerned." "Still, a certain someone will make you go home. I'm just words." Peter grumbled at the implication. "Yeah, I know. Still gonna go against it though!" Peter said with finality, jumping off the building and plummeting towards the ground.  
Peter whooped loudly while he shot a web at the last minute, his feet a few feet from the ground, startling the pedestrians on the ground. Some shouted "Hey it's Spiderman!" while one other called out "Nice ass!" which made a red blush appear on his face as he hurriedly swung away.

It was uneventful for the majority of the day, only a few robberies happened and he helped a stuck revolving door with people inside. It came to dusk when Peters dull day took a complete U-turn. "Incoming call from Tony Stark" Peter nearly fell out of the sky. "W-What?! Decline! Karen-" He heard a little 'Sorry' before his lovely mentor appeared. "Hey, Pete!" "U-Uh, hey M-Mr Stark." 'Shitshitshit' Peter knew he was overreacting, but he can't help that he felt frightened and panicked whenever he met Stark now. "What's up buddy? I see that its a little bit late for you, coming close to your curfew." 'Fuck my curfew' "I know, I'm just wrapping things u-up." Peter fumbled on his web. He heard Stark talking away from the phone to someone else, most likely Bruce. Peter still liked bruce, he definitely knew it'd be bad to get angry cause then he'd have the hulk to deal with.

"Good, good. Just wanted to make sure." 'I DONT NEED TO BE CODDLED' Peter grit his teeth together, fervently trying to bite down on the words wanting to be said. It would just be counterproductive to get upset, if Stark viewed him as a child, seeing him having a 'tantrum' would make it all the worse. Peter decided to hum in agreement, praying to whatever gods were looking down on him for something to get him out of this. "Pete? Hello?" Oh right, Stark had to have a verbal answer.   
"Yeah I'm still here, I'm just a little concentrated right now. I don't want to smash into a building because I wasn't paying attention." Stark laughed a bit, not picking up on how tense Peter sounded. "Well, I called also to say if you wanted to stay at the compound for the weekend. May contacted me and said she'd feel better if she knew you weren't all by yourself." 'I. Am. 16.' 

Peter mulled it in his head, weighing the cons and pros, and decided that he would do it for May. "That sounds fine. I'll be waiting for Happy to pick me up." "Ok! It's a date." Stark laughed while Peter just cringed. Stark sighed lightly and said goodbye, much to Peters happiness. Once the call disconnected, Peter swung upwards and caught himself on the side of a building. He wasn't ready to spend a night with them all but the thought of angry Aunt May sent fear down his spine. 'I can do this. Just behave yourself, Peter.'


End file.
